On Resentment

(Guest blogger is Sam Paravonian. Thank you Sam!)

Occasionally on Saturday mornings my father would take my brother (about a year and a half younger than me) and me for little over a mile walk to visit a shirttail relative of his from the old country. The man and his family lived in a two story building on Belvidere Street near Jackson Street. The family lived on the upper floor and owned and operated a neighborhood “convenience store.” Even though the morning business was light but steady, we always had opportunity to chat a while and even have some candy and/or gum which my brother and I thoroughly enjoyed.

I thought the contact between two long time relatives would be more overtly joyous, friendly and warm with more loud laughter and back-slapping rather than the more sedate, polite, and outwardly civil behavior which I observed. Furthermore, the mother never came down to the store to see us, and even more disappointing to me, she would not allow their son who was my age to come down to play with me and my brother. What’s going on here? I wondered.

Well! I learned the answer much later; I fact about 30-35 years ago when my wife and I drove to New Jersey to visit my sister Adrien (thirteen years older than me) and her family. While talking about our good old days and experiences in Waukegan I just mentioned that I never figured out the coolness and distance among our family and my father’s shirttail relatives. My sister was very surprised that I never knew and said, “Let me tell you.”

Shortly after my parents’ marriage and my mother came to Waukegan and became settled, she and my father invited his relative and wife to have lunch or some meal them in their home. After conversations and whatever, my mother invited them to the dining room. When my father’s shirttail relative saw the table all set, he said, “Mrs. Paravonian sets a fine table!” His wife then resentfully and bitterly said “All these years and every day I prepare a table for you and you never say that to me!” After that she stayed away and the relationship cooled.

I think about the missed fun times and joyful experiences our families could have shared but have missed over the years.

Good advice from apostle Paul: “Get rid of all bitterness…..” Ephesians 4:31

Sam Paravonian

Update from the Annual Meeting

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the ECC Annual Meeting as a virtual delegate. One other member of our church attended virtually, and two others made the trip to California to attend in-person.

Since then, I’ve had many conversations about the events of that meeting, reflected about it, prayed about it, even preached about it.

The truth is, bad news travels fast. And because of years of evolution, hard-wiring our brains to perceive threats and react to them, we all have something called a negativity bias which is built in to our psyches. Which means that even when receiving positive and negative feedback or information in equal measure and intensity, we will focus on the negative. We can’t help it, in a sense. But we can be aware of it and mindful that this dynamic goes on in our brains.

Which brings me to my thoughts for today: there was still a lot of good at the Annual Meeting.

This delegate summary details some of that good. Thirty-nine people we ordained, two individuals were honored for their lifetimes of service to the church, one as an outstanding layperson and one for outstanding urban and ethnic ministry; fifty people were awarded Clergy Vocational Service recognition, forty-one lives were remembered of pastors, global personnel and spouses. Ten new churches were welcomed into membership, seven church planters and three new global personnel.

Camp ministries were celebrated, along with institutions of theological education; ministries to older adults were highlighted and congregational vitality programs.

There is a lot of good, God-honoring work happening in our church, even within and among the heartbreaking news that was also on display: one church involuntarily removed, ten withdrawn, eleven closed. Nine clergy-people gave up their ordination, and three moved to other denominations.

That’s what makes this all tremendously complicated for a lot of us. We know the good that happens in the Covenant Church; we’ve experienced it firsthand, many of us for our whole lives. And we also see the hurt and pain caused by this church right now. Both are true. Both are important. And both make it impossible to write the church off, or turn a blind eye to its actions.

I hope you’ll read the delegate summary, and take some of the good news in. And I hope you’ll find grace and space enough to hold it in tension with the troubling news, too.

Know that your pastors are here and ready to talk about all of this with you. And that we are all held by a God whose hands are big enough for the good, the bad, and everything in-between.

Yours,

Pastor Jen

Update from the Annual Meeting

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the ECC Annual Meeting as a virtual delegate. One other member of our church attended virtually, and two others made the trip to California to attend in-person.

Since then, I’ve had many conversations about the events of that meeting, reflected about it, prayed about it, even preached about it.

The truth is, bad news travels fast. And because of years of evolution, hard-wiring our brains to perceive threats and react to them, we all have something called a negativity bias which is built in to our psyches. Which means that even when receiving positive and negative feedback or information in equal measure and intensity, we will focus on the negative. We can’t help it, in a sense. But we can be aware of it and mindful that this dynamic goes on in our brains.

Which brings me to my thoughts for today: there was still a lot of good at the Annual Meeting.

This delegate summary details some of that good. Thirty-nine people we ordained, two individuals were honored for their lifetimes of service to the church, one as an outstanding layperson and one for outstanding urban and ethnic ministry; fifty people were awarded Clergy Vocational Service recognition, forty-one lives were remembered of pastors, global personnel and spouses. Ten new churches were welcomed into membership, seven church planters and three new global personnel.

Camp ministries were celebrated, along with institutions of theological education; ministries to older adults were highlighted and congregational vitality programs.

There is a lot of good, God-honoring work happening in our church, even within and among the heartbreaking news that was also on display: one church involuntarily removed, ten withdrawn, eleven closed. Nine clergy-people gave up their ordination, and three moved to other denominations.

That’s what makes this all tremendously complicated for a lot of us. We know the good that happens in the Covenant Church; we’ve experienced it firsthand, many of us for our whole lives. And we also see the hurt and pain caused by this church right now. Both are true. Both are important. And both make it impossible to write the church off, or turn a blind eye to its actions.

I hope you’ll read the delegate summary, and take some of the good news in. And I hope you’ll find grace and space enough to hold it in tension with the troubling news, too.

Know that your pastors are here and ready to talk about all of this with you. And that we are all held by a God whose hands are big enough for the good, the bad, and everything in-between.

Yours,

Pastor Jen